nazrin, meh baca.

yes, i know you are frustrated. but don't you think i am too? i have been holding on for so long, above all the challenges, all the depressing moments, your constant anger, so can you please understand me as well? even just a bit, can you please? i am trying to fix us, we have gone through a lot to fight again about the same damn thing and destroy what we could have fixed together. tolonglah, i don't wanna repeat the fights again, let alone to 'discuss' about it. we have had a lot of miserable and hurtful discussions before, why do we have to repeat it and mess our minds and hearts again? i love you, and take note dunia, i wanna marry you seorang sahaja di dunia ni, mohamad nazrin bin abu bakar. and this is the first time ever i really actually want to marry someone and i want satu dunia to know about it! and that i also have plans in my head, an integration of your plans and my plans, about us, our future marriage and our future plans. i even dengan beriyanya told my parents that i wish i could marry you as soon as possible. and i even have sketches of what to do how to do about our marriage and marrying you, your favourite dishes, i even  beg abah to have a new and bigger room bile renovate nanti for our use, blah blah blah all sorts of things! and im in love with your family, your parents are really understanding and i really think they are cool, nabiel and nami are nice and i feel comfortable around them, ben10 is sure fun and talkative(hope he'll stay that way sampai besar), your aunts and uncles are nice people, and your cousins, especially ena, are friendly and i can sembang sembang comfortably with them. about you, you are all over me,err or is it im all over you? either way whatever. the point is, i am soooo in love with you, i cant let you go, i cant live without you, i cant study when we are far apart, i go insane when you are angry and you blurt out that you dont really want me (like super seriously insane), i do everything i could to pujuk u when you are angry at me or upset, drive mcm orang gila pergi kat u just to make sure you eat and happy bila you rasa tak best, i am dead happy when you are happy and you are excited over something even when it got nothing to do with me, i am longing for you to smile (lagi lagi lately ni since you dah taknak senyum kat i langsung), your simple message or words saying you miss me can make me fly (i think if i have wings i dah really fly dah), i cry for missing you, when you are angry at me, i cry but i don't wanna give up, let alone to just let go no matter how hurted i feel inside. i have never ever in my life been this gila like when we fight and kita jauh, apalagi nak harm myself for someone else, bleed or bruise myself, NEVER EVER OCCURRED TO ME. but why with you, i feel this deep? (before you even think of saying yang dulu pun i camni jugak, slap yourself a bit and shake off your mind from that thoughts, because nazrin, I WAS NEVER LIKE THIS, i swear to God. you really think those bruises tak sakit? sakit tauuu). 

please nazrin, jangan sampai fikir dua kali about marrying me. because when you said you betul betul nak jaga i and you sayang gila kat i sampai tak tau nak cakap macamne dulu, i know i can always believe you and i yakin dengan you. so please dear, don't let your anger and hatred control you, because i have seen before, and i know you still got the same feelings, that you are sincere in accepting me and that you are the bravest and very protective when it comes to me. i look up to you so much, and i wish i can always do that sampai bila bila. and i tau jugak, you macamni, semua sebab jauh dari i. u penah cakap u tak boleh jauh dari i, remember?

i've read this in muni's, " let's see what the distance can do to us" and i think about you and me. i don't want the distance to destroy us, i want it to become a bridge for us to give strength to each other, to become closer. honestly, i hate our skype sessions, i love the part of being able to see you and talk face to face, but that's the thing, we didn't talk nor have a good time together, we %$@%#$ (you know what i mean, like cats and dogs, but worse). 

mohamad nazrin, i would like you to be my happily ever after husband, please. i nak kerepot sama sama dengan you, through thick and thin.