If only

If only im not who i used to be, if only i know what the future holds, if only i could turn back time and if only i got to meet you much earlier, i think we must have been living a happy life together. If only i can change the world, i would do it cz all im wishing for is your happiness and i really want to be the one giving you all that. I hate myself so much and i know i dont deserve you. But i try to be strong bcs u give me the strength. But more than often, i just wish i would just be gone for good, so that you can find true happiness you wish for. But nothing can describe how much i love you, and although i know you hate me, i love you more and more each day and it hurts me too because as my love grow stronger, there will still be the fact that you suffer bcs of me. Im trapped between guilt and my love towards you, in which you already know, i cannot live without you and how much soul of mine has it taken. I'm sorry for all the sufferings i cause you, and im sorry you have to meet me in your life. If only i could turn back time, i will change everything about myself, bcs nothing seems right about me and i too, hate who i am.