naznaz

i have always reached out for you. i waited for you even when you hate me so much. i need you at all cost. i texted you even when it annoys the hell out of you, you say i did that because i am desperate. how can you say that when i did it because of what i truly feel inside? i'm crying out for you every single second and believe me, my heart has turned so fragile and my heart breaks easily now. but what did i do? i cry and i keep it inside. i swallow it down my throat because i thought you had your reasons for being distant from me. i cry and hope that you'll come to me, calm me down and help me to get through. but where are you? it's hard to get you to at least ask "are you okay naie?", what more to admit me as..you know right? so, now, what am i to you? what am i to you? what am i to you? okay, no, this is not right. i don't want to burden you, you are gonna have your exam soon right, and since i know i am just someone who often gives you headache, heartache, and unhappiness, i made you failed multiple times, teruknya i, i have never even once been an inspiration nor made u happy...again, i am sorry for being a shit in your life, and i hope you are gonna strive for your exam, insyaAllah. it's up to you now, i don't know whether you need me or not, i just don't. i just hope you'll reach out for me too, and fast, and as soon as possible, in a manner ikhlas dari hati you, so that i will be able to know. so that i can not assume that you don't want me anymore and that all you want is for me to leave and let you have your own happy life without me. because, that's exactly what i feel now.

yes, i am sad. i am crying now. i am needing you, always.