everyone is leaving soon.
amal is going on the 19th next week.
hanum is also going soon.poland and damn it's far away from here.
syaza and nazrin will also be leaving soon.eventhough they are going nx year(insyaAllah..amin), i still think it's sooner than what i expected.ofcz i've expected it earlier but i didn't expect time will move this fast!time left to be spent with them seems like just a very short one. just thinking i'll be alone here missing them every second hurts me very deeply. knowing that i cannot simply turn on the engine and off to their place like i usually do brings sudden tears to my eyes.
i used to dream that i'll someday be away in other part of the world, studying, working my butt off to achieve what i could have achieved, missing everybody that i love behind and praying every single day i would have the chance to see them once i get back to malaysia.pfft.it's all just a dream.now im just nothing. with dream nvr achieved, with friends i hv parted myself frm for no spesific reason, with hopes that i can be better and prove to nazrin im not just a 'silly manja girl' even when he hv never mentioned that.
i just feel so left out sometimes. maybe it's all my fault and maybe sometimes it doesn't. im losing myself every single second.i don't even know how fragile i've become these days.keep on needing him, keep on wanting ppl to not ignore me. keep hoping that my family will somehow notice who i am.keep praying that i will not lose my courage and this little strength left in me. crying seems like the easiest thing i can do nowadays. it flows even when im not willing to let it flow.why do you think im okay while actually im not?
i hate myself for destroying some parts of my life. some ppl might think im heartless so im all okay with it. it seems fine on the outside but im crying alone inside and who's there to simply know im not okay. im not perfect. i know that. and im trying my best to make you happy. i've become so closed to you that even feeling far from you breaks my heart. i want you to love me for who i am.support me when i say i wanna be better. just fr one simple reason, i love you..
why doubt me when im the one missing you and waiting for you to come back from the far while praying every single second u would be here by my side?why doubt me when im the one being left behind?:'(
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